I don't do as much deep thinking as I used to. When I was a kid, I remember imagining what it would be like if the universe was symmetrical, mirrored right down the middle. I imagined a white room, floating in space, right on the plane that separates the two halves of the universe. If you parked your spaceship outside and opened the door, you would see yourself in front of you, opening the same door. It would be the you from the other side of the universe.

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Wanko Manko
fiction · shitpost

Thought of a hilarious idea for a manga and eventually anime when it inevitably gets super popular.

It takes place in Japan, but only because that seems like the only appropriate setting for an anime.

The story is about a twenty-something bachelor. He wants a dog, so he adopts a beautiful female malamute from a shelter.

However! When he gets home, he realizes that the dog has the most beautiful human-looking vagina he has ever seen. Like, all-time-top-voted-post-on-r/godpussy tier. Of course, since it's an anime, you only ever see it pixelated.

Then, basically the entire show revolves around him trying to resist the temptation to fuck his dog, and situations that make it hard to resist temptation. His catchphrase is "Inu ni makemasen!" / "I won't lose to the dog!"

Like, for example, in one episode he leaves out a jar of strawberry jam, and the dog gets into it, and then when the dog is done eating the jam, it pulls its snout out of the jar, and there's strawberry jam on its mouth in the exact shape of sexy lipstick. This of course sends him into a fit of desire, and he has to like, I dunno, take a cold bath, or watch sumo wrestling or something to resist.

In the final episode, he's taking the dog for a walk in a dog park, and he sees another dog running around, and notices that it has a huge, beautiful human penis. (Pixelated, natch.) He then look over and sees its owner, who's a beautiful woman his age. They lock eyes and instantly fall in love.

I can't decide if it's a happy ending, where he gets this great girl and the two dogs with beautiful junk get each other. Or if it's a darker ending, where he has sex with the woman for the first time and her pussy is absolutely ruined, and he realizes that she hasn't resisted temptation and has been getting railed on the reg by her dog and its huge human cock. Or afterwards he asks her how it was, and she says "It was okay…" in a super wistful voice, and then looks over at her dog, while the color drains from his face as he realizes the truth.

I'm not sure whether it should be called Wanko Manko, which means "Dog Pussy" in Japanese but rhymes, or Venus in Fur, as a play on Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.

I saw a janitor sweeping dirt from the fronds of his enormous push broom with a normal-sized broom.


I woke up last night after only a few hours of sleep, sweaty and disoriented.

Maybe it was miasmatic vapors rising up from beneath South of Market streets. Maybe it was the widening gyre opening up under the world. Maybe it was nothing at all. I don't know.

It felt like the world had ended, but I was still there. And the lights of the city glimmered through the window, so, it was still there too.

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This is pretty nuts. I was poking around in the storage area of my house, and I found a huge cardboard box filled with letters and audio cassettes and dust. Everything was Danish, German, and English, but mostly Danish. The name Max Rasmussen was everywhere, so I think it was all his stuff. I had to get a tape player at best buy to play the tapes, but surprisingly, they all played fine. One of them was an interview, in English, between Max and a man named Hans. I listened to it a few times, and I don't even know what to say. It's transcribed below.

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Declarative Programming

"Well," he began, moving closer to her, "declarative programming is when you tell the computer what you want, and then the computer figures out how to get it. Pretty sweet, huh?"

"What kinds of things can you tell the computer you want?" she asked excitedly, her cheeks beginning to flush.

He thought for a moment, and began stroking her hair gently. "All kinds of things. There's a language called Prolog you can use to ask about logical relationships. In SQL you can ask questions about huge quantities of data. With a program like bison you can declaratively describe a language, letting bison generate a program that recognizes it."

"Oh," she said breathlessly, leaning her head on his shoulder, "so I don't have to worry about choosing an algorithm--the computer will pick one for me?"

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